[Setting the scene: Nine couples are sitting in the lobby of the Brooklyn Marriot when a tenth walks in. One of the guys stands up, says, "Hey, there are ten of us! We can chapp a maariv!" and all the men exit. Girls look around at each other, stand up, and start to sing:]
GIRLS:
I gotta get out
I gotta get out
I gotta get out
How’d I get in this hotel, this lobby, this big bad date?!
LEADER: [spoken]
Alright, ladies, welcome to the Brooklyn Marriot, otherwise known as the Big Dollhouse! For those of you who are new to this place, let me tell you how we ended up here: our mothers! It’s like they never dated when they were young.
GIRL #1:
Stuck here cuz of those nosy women
GIRL #2:
Drinking diet Cokes until we’re swimmin’
GIRL #3:
This was totally not worth dry cleaning my blouse!
LEADER:
Don’t it feel like you’re trapped
ALL:
In a big dollhouse?
GIRL #4:
Lady Justice, where have you gone?
GIRL #2, on cell phone:
Oh, Mommy, check – I think I left the iron on!
GIRL #1:
Did you see my date laughing at me? I’ll murder that louse!
LEADER:
Welcome to life
ALL:
In the big dollhouse!
Big house!
GIRL #1:
It feels like we’re locked up in a pen
GIRL #3:
No phone! [Girl #2 waves hers, taunting; Girl #3 gives her a dirty look]
GIRL #4:
No food!
GIRL #5:
Just MEN! [all roll eyes]
GIRL #2:
My date’s as quiet as a mouse!
LEADER:
Honey, just drop the drama
ALL:
In the big dollhouse!
[Loud unintelligible conversation ensues]
GIRL #6:
You know, my stomach’s been feeling sour
GIRL #7:
And I haven’t eaten in over six hours!
LEADER:
Girls, you gotta suffer to find your spouse.
ALL:
So there’s nothing to eat in the big dollhouse.
GIRL #1, to LEADER:
Hey, don’t we have a right to complain?
GIRL #8, interrupting, to GIRL #1:
Haven’t I seen you around 70th and Main?
GIRL #1:
[Shrieks and runs away]
It figures a Queens girl’s here,
She lives around the corner from my house!
ALL:
Small world!
GIRL #4:
No fair!
GIRL #7:
No food!
GIRL #9:
No FUN!
ALL
Big house!
GIRL #5:
And our search has just begun!
Cuz we gotta keep dating till we find a spouse –
So we’ll keep meeting up at this
ALL:
Big dollhouse!
[More loud conversation]
LEADER [looking at watch]:
Girls, I’m getting sick of all this waiting,
We’ve lost our men – can you call this dating?!
GIRL #2:
Hey, who are you to grumble or grouse?
ALL:
Yeah, we’re all in it together in the big dollhouse!
LEADER:
Okay, cool it, ladies, no need to shout.
What do we gotta do to bail ourselves out?
GIRL #8:
I don’t want to date a loser!
GIRL #9:
A hocker!
GIRL #2:
A mouse!
GIRL #1:
For now, it’s just us girls in the big dollhouse.
ALL:
Big house!
GIRL #3:
G-d, I think I’m gonna die!
ALL:
Big house!
GIRL #2:
I’m busting out!
GIRL #5:
Girl, so am I!
[Both dance towards the lobby door but stop just short.]
ALL:
HaKadosh Baruch Hu, hear my plea –
‘Cause the big dollhouse,
The big dollhouse,
The big dollhouse,
Ain’t big enough for me!
For me!
For me!
LEADER:
For me!
