Reflections on a year in the life

This past year was a year of big changes for me - but as the saying goes, "The more things change, the more they stay the same."

B"H some things changed for the better. Some things...well, I'm sure it will be for the better in the big picture, but for the time being, it's pretty darned hard to see how. But I know that I do not see the bigger picture, only the tiny little corner of it that is my life and my world.

It has been a year of lessons, some good and some more difficult.

I've learned that I value being valued.

I've learned that the right friends can get me through my darkest moments, but only if I let myself trust them enough to let them know I need them. I've learned that a friend moving away doesn't mean a friend leaving my life, nor have I left hers. I've learned that I am stronger than I sometimes think I am.

I've learned that "meshaneh makom, meshaneh mazal" doesn't necessarily mean that I have to be the one moving - sometimes someone else being meshaneh their makom is meshaneh my mazal. This has worked strongly in my favor in recent times. ;-)

I've learned that often it is better to come right out and get things in the open, because when I am open and honest I can work on situations and change them instead of just worrying about them. Often I worry too much about how such honesty will be received. I worry too much in general. That is something I am working on trying to unlearn.

I've learned that sometimes I need to be "bullied" into doing things that are good for me, but I'm grateful afterward to the people who do so. It takes a special kind of friend to be able to twist my arm for my own good.

I've learned that many, many people value me in their lives, and they value me for who I am, with all my positive and negative aspects. I need to learn to trust that I am valued and to value myself in the same way. I treasure my friends; I am worthy of being treasured in the same way.

I've learned that I still have a lot of work to do on myself. Not that I thought I was done, but in some respects, for awhile I had thought I could relax a bit. Not so. I need to learn how to define myself as me and not by external factors, because external factors are always subject to change. Just because situations have changed or people have changed doesn't mean that I have to change as well. I am still me...if I can figure out who "me" is.

I've learned that, as usual, I still have a lot to learn.

May we all be inscribed for a good and sweet year, in which the lessons we learn in life are not painful.