[Setting the scene: Nine couples are sitting in the lobby of the Brooklyn Marriot when a tenth walks in. One of the guys stands up, says, "Hey, there are ten of us! We can chapp a maariv!" and all the men exit. Girls look around at each other, stand up, and start to sing:]
GIRLS:
I gotta get out
I gotta get out
I gotta get out
How’d I get in this hotel, this lobby, this big bad date?!
LEADER: [spoken]
Alright, ladies, welcome to the Brooklyn Marriot, otherwise known as the Big Dollhouse! For those of you who are new to this place, let me tell you how we ended up here: our mothers! It’s like they never dated when they were young.
GIRL #1:
Stuck here cuz of those nosy women
GIRL #2:
Drinking diet Cokes until we’re swimmin’
GIRL #3:
This was totally not worth dry cleaning my blouse!
LEADER:
Don’t it feel like you’re trapped
ALL:
In a big dollhouse?
GIRL #4:
Lady Justice, where have you gone?
GIRL #2, on cell phone:
Oh, Mommy, check – I think I left the iron on!
GIRL #1:
Did you see my date laughing at me? I’ll murder that louse!
LEADER:
Welcome to life
ALL:
In the big dollhouse!
Big house!
GIRL #1:
It feels like we’re locked up in a pen
GIRL #3:
No phone! [Girl #2 waves hers, taunting; Girl #3 gives her a dirty look]
GIRL #4:
No food!
GIRL #5:
Just MEN! [all roll eyes]
GIRL #2:
My date’s as quiet as a mouse!
LEADER:
Honey, just drop the drama
ALL:
In the big dollhouse!
[Loud unintelligible conversation ensues]
GIRL #6:
You know, my stomach’s been feeling sour
GIRL #7:
And I haven’t eaten in over six hours!
LEADER:
Girls, you gotta suffer to find your spouse.
ALL:
So there’s nothing to eat in the big dollhouse.
GIRL #1, to LEADER:
Hey, don’t we have a right to complain?
GIRL #8, interrupting, to GIRL #1:
Haven’t I seen you around 70th and Main?
GIRL #1:
[Shrieks and runs away]
It figures a Queens girl’s here,
She lives around the corner from my house!
ALL:
Small world!
GIRL #4:
No fair!
GIRL #7:
No food!
GIRL #9:
No FUN!
ALL
Big house!
GIRL #5:
And our search has just begun!
Cuz we gotta keep dating till we find a spouse –
So we’ll keep meeting up at this
ALL:
Big dollhouse!
[More loud conversation]
LEADER [looking at watch]:
Girls, I’m getting sick of all this waiting,
We’ve lost our men – can you call this dating?!
GIRL #2:
Hey, who are you to grumble or grouse?
ALL:
Yeah, we’re all in it together in the big dollhouse!
LEADER:
Okay, cool it, ladies, no need to shout.
What do we gotta do to bail ourselves out?
GIRL #8:
I don’t want to date a loser!
GIRL #9:
A hocker!
GIRL #2:
A mouse!
GIRL #1:
For now, it’s just us girls in the big dollhouse.
ALL:
Big house!
GIRL #3:
G-d, I think I’m gonna die!
ALL:
Big house!
GIRL #2:
I’m busting out!
GIRL #5:
Girl, so am I!
[Both dance towards the lobby door but stop just short.]
ALL:
HaKadosh Baruch Hu, hear my plea –
‘Cause the big dollhouse,
The big dollhouse,
The big dollhouse,
Ain’t big enough for me!
For me!
For me!
LEADER:
For me!
11 comments:
Very nice!! So when's the musical actually happening?
Love it!
You get your link on Friday. Be prepared.
Nice job.
Awesome, awesome, awesome. Loving it!
Great, but the links for the original song don't seem to be there, can u fix that?
nmf#7 - dunno, you should ask Bad4, she's the director. I'm just a lyricist. :)
erachet - thanks!
bad4 - thanks for the warning. And I'm glad you like it.
C - welcome!
freeda - the links are there, if you roll with your mouse over the "here"s they do work.
Got it, thanks. Excellent job!
Oh my gosh, you are HILARIOUS!!
You've really got talent writing lyrics. Ever thought of putting your talent out there?
Freeda - no problem.
CP - and do what? It's not like there's a market for such talent within the community. I'd never respect myself if I had to write saccharine "production" lyrics.
Hey! I enjoyed this! I loved the hilarious lyrics!
This is Nancy from Israeli Uncensored News
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