I get so frustrated when I see people who are (or at least look) "frum", but they behave badly in public. For instance, if someone is traveling by public transportation and s/he holds the door for a friend during the morning rush hour, at the same time as the driver/conductor/whatever is specifically requesting that the doors be allowed to close. Now, they may say, "But everyone holds the doors once in a while! What's the big deal?" Maybe they don't realize, or maybe they don't care, but their actions reflect upon the entire Jewish people, and observant Jewish people in particular. Society holds us to a higher standard, and when certain members fail to meet that standard, it reflects badly upon us as a whole.
Still, perhaps such behaviors can be excused as "normal", the same way nearly everyone jaywalks in New York City--it's something that everyone does, and the cops can't even ticket you because it would be impossible to ticket every jaywalker in NYC. What really gets to me is when "frum" people are outright rude, obnoxious, and contemptuous. Being the Am HaNivchar does NOT mean that you are supposed to act like you're G-d's gift to the world; it means that you have a responsibility to behave like a mentch so that the world knows that Jewish people behave well. When I hear people talk about less-religious or non-Jewish people like they're not even human, it sets my blood to boiling--again, being the Am HaNivchar does not mean that you have the right to look down on the rest of the world!
I understand that no one is perfect. I myself am far from perfect. But maybe because I grew up in "Montana", I have a greater awareness that a frum Jew is always on the spot. I have to behave in such a way that people will think, "Oh, so that's how a religious Jew behaves. That's so nice!" instead of the other way around. I try to behave in such a way that will reflect well upon my G-d and my people.
I know I'm not the only one. It makes me happy when I see other Jews making a kiddush Hashem. I also know that I'm not the only one who is bothered by the behavior of others that reflects badly upon us as a whole. I know that there are people who are dedicated to living their lives in such a way that the world will see and think well of the Jewish people. This is why, despite my shame at the behavior of some of our brethren, I am, and will remain, a proud member of the tribe.
P.S. I haven't forgotten about the promised translation of "Abbaleh". I just haven't had the time to sit down with the Hebrew/English dictionary yet.
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11 comments:
i so totally, completely, absolutely agree with you. it really drives me crazy when i see those things.
i think youre right tho, when youre used to being in a completely frum environment it might be easier to forget that when youre not others will check you out. those of us who are in the minority, know that we are constantly under scrutinty and behave accordinly, even in private..
what really drives me crazy tho, is when some people argue that its not our responsability to worry about what others think..
It's definately our responsibility to be concerned about what others might think of us. - We wouldn't have to be concerned if people didn't judge us as a whole and our religion. But since they do, we have to be careful.
Your post is incredibly true.
I guess we should each improve our behaviors, raise our children well, and slowly we’ll start making a difference.
round of applause to the girl in patchwork!! it really embarrasses me when someone does something soooo bad it lands up in the news!
I agree. Your post reminds me of my boss. He's Jewish, but in name only. He knocks everything Jewish, complains about religious Jews, etc. Yet, he around non-Jews he acts and talks like he's proud to be a Jew. I'm like "You hypocrite!" It bothers me so much. It's Jews like him that piss me off the most.
m00ks--ah, yes, another person who lives somewhere "out there" and knows what I'm talking about. :) It's true, isn't it? You feel the responsibility of being an "ohr la-goyim" so much more when the burden isn't shared by all of your neighbors and friends. And that attitude you describe--"why should we have to worry about what people think"--that drives me crazy the most! What do they think being an ohr la-goyim means?! Of COURSE we have to worry about what they think! Arrrrrg!
lvnsm27--precisely. If the world wasn't looking at us, I wouldn't care.
ift--welcome! You're absolutely right. While I don't have any kids yet, I certainly hope to raise my future kids (after I'm married) to have good middot, and to be aware that they have to behave in a way that will make Hashem happy with them. For now, I try as much as possible to be conscious of my behavior in public, and I try to behave in a way that will leave others around me with a positive impression of frum Jews. It's like what Rav Yisrael Salanter said--we have to change ourselves first, before we can change anyone else.
kishmech--thanks! :) I wasn't even talking about the news, actually, though that's usually even worse. I was talking about day-to-day behavior in the streets and shops and public transport and such.
Aviva--that sounds really frustrating, although your boss sounds almost like the opposite of what I'm ranting about.
Dear Scraps, I'm back, and absolutely eating up your words, as always.
What you've said here has that bittersweet feeling of truth finally put down concretely into words, and yet with the unfortunate twist of them being a bit too accurate.
It kills me each time I see a fellow Jew defacing his own name, and dragging us all with him. As much as the world expects more from us, we demand the same level of adherence to the truth, good behavior, and even piety from other Jews.
All we can do, obviously, is try to do our part to make a kiddush Hashem. And hey, maybe our actions will influence others.
I so agree with you!
But you know Scraps, I think you are biggest Kiddush Hashem going!!!!!
[blushes like mad]
You're both so full of compliments! I wish I was that good.
I think all frum people should go live in Montana for a year...and then come back and appreciate our place and position in the world.
Amen, David. And my Ma will have you all over for Shabbos every week--my parents love to have guests. :)
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