On the way home from a simcha last night, I spent some time with a girl I went to school with many years ago. We haven't actively kept in touch, but once in a while we'll run into each other at simchas of former schoolmates. When you get right down to it, she hardly knows me at all anymore--and that's being generous, assuming that she knew me at all in the first place.
At any rate, the following conversation is what transpired. My thoughts precede my responses in italics.
Her: So, do you date?
Me: Sure I do.
Her: No,I mean really date, like go out with a guy more than once. [said in a skeptical tone which implied that she thought the answer would definitely be in the negative]
Ummm...none of your business?
Me: Yes, actually I have.
Her: So why didn't it work out?
What the heck?! NONE OF YOUR DARN BUSINESS!
Me: Stam didn't. Wasn't meant to be, I guess.
Her: Cuz I think you should get married.
WHAT THE....?!?!?!
Me: Oh? Why's that?
Her: Cuz I think you'd be happier if you were married.
WHAT THE...?!?!?!?! #1, you don't even know me anymore [if you ever did in the first place]--what do you know about my state of happiness or lack thereof? #2, did you ever consider that even if you do have a point, you might have it backwards--that if I were happier, I might be married already? #3, why the HECK do you think you have a right to say such rude things about my personal life?!
Me: Oooookay....
Some people just make me want to bang my head against a wall.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
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30 comments:
you already know what my feelings are about this conversation...
That was incredibly tactless and just plain dumb. I wish people would think twice before saying things like that.
I would feel like saying 'don't you think I've tried?'
libby--indeed I do.
irina--quite true, which is why I try to have very little to do with people like her. I don't need to waste my rising blood pressure on people like that.
lvnsm27--since it wasn't any of her business, I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of a reaction. Hence the difference between my thoughts (in italics) and my words.
Oyyyy horrid, that would make me really mad and you were so polite, good self control.
Truthfully, I think a large measure of my self-control came from the fact that I was trying to memorize the conversation as it was happening so I could tell/blog about it. :-P
how familiar! it happens quite frequently to me that people meet me after an extended period of time(the grace period)and are totaly untactful on how to start up a conversattion. they are aware that there have been changes both in their and my life and dont no how to deal with it in aconversation with both maturity and sensitivity. When I meet these annoying ppl Im just thankfull that god instilled in me ome tact
hah! omg!! that is so nuts! Sometimes ppl really amaze me with how thoughtlessly stupid they can be. Like, really, you should get married? Ooooh? Really? Cause you never even thought of that before! Amazing -now, you're going to go out and really date. Not just fakely date. Like you were doing before. Got it.
Sorry, I had to vent after reading your conversation. Btw, is she married? Just curious...you know, like if it magically solved all sadness or insecurity she ever possessed. Like prozac. Marriage prozac. Now I really want to get married.
:) Do you want to come over for ice cream? That would probably make you happiest!!;0
Wow.
That's absolutely sickening.
I have nothing else to say.
Not very sensitive or smart of her, besides getting married doe snot mean getting happier, getting married to the right person and working hard on the relationship can lead to a happy marriage(not happiness necessarily)
Next time you see her pretend you're on the phone:)
skepticbentorah--indeed. The truth is, I'm not sure how much this girl is even aware of the changes in my life, nor I the ones in hers, since we haven't really kept track of each other. Still, at least I'm willing to admit that I don't know her anymore (if I ever did), and this being the case, I'll attempt not to make silly assumptions of her current state of happiness or lack thereof.
okee--ranting is 100% allowed in this comments section, so feel free. What you just said is a slightly more sarcastic version of what was going on in my head. :-P And no, she's not married either, so I'm not sure what makes her think she's such an authority on it, and why she thinks it would solve all my problems. I've actually encountered the marriage-as-Prozac mentality before, and it's one of the reasons why I didn't start dating right away, because I KNOW that marriage is not Prozac, nor was it ever meant to be. And I'd love to take you up on the ice-cream offer, if we're in the same metro area. :-)
hisbonenus--yup, people can be remarkably thick-headed, can't they? I'd have been more nauseated if I hadn't been trying to commit the conversation to memory so I could post it. :-P
pragmatician--I guess she'll have to find that out for herself. Unfortunately, I can't pretend I'm on the phone for the entire length of a shower/wedding/sheva brachot. If nothing else, it would be rude to the baalei hasimcha.
Oh, man. I flinched more and more with every line I read...I do wish people would think before speaking. And that's about all I can say...
Jess--unfortunately, this was not the most painful conversation I had that night. But I've wiped the rest from my conscious memory because they lacked the comedic value of this one.
LOL.
some people just are lacking in brains.
wow. amazes me.
-moiy
Moiy--the funny thing is, if you'd ask anyone who's more "with it", her or me, she'd win hands-down.
Hey there girlfriend!!!!
don't take that from anyone!!!!
Don't bang YOUR head against a wall, bang THEIRS!
I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of a responce either. But I deffinatly would be thinking it.
kasamba--hehe...I'll keep that in mind next time I see this girl, if I manage not to freeze up (which is usually what happens around old hs people).
lvnsm27--oh, I was thinking of it...hence the italics. :)
yea I know, reminds me of something that happened to a friend of mine a long time ago. Someone said something rediculous to her and she couldn't believe what she was hearing.
Oh boy we've got a Miss Judgemental on your hands and I wrote mental on purpose, lol. Don't let her get to you, she obviously has issues. And if she does, rememeber... she's got issues, lol.
lvnsm27--oh, people say ridiculous things to me all the time; it's the part of my job that keeps me entertained. It's just not that often that those ridiculous things are personal.
frumgirl--don't worry, I'm not exactly taking her seriously. She doesn't live my life, and she most certainly does not have a say in any of my decisions. I'm sure she meant well...but then, you could read my post about meaning well... :-P
i second kasamba's suggestion.. dont bang your head.. bang hers!
ive learned that when someone makes comments like that, i enroll them to help me out. they think i should get married? let them find me someone.. if they dont want to help out, they can bud out..
What m00kie said.
Stick 'em to their [ever-so-rude]suggestion.
Say: "really?"
"so what's his name again?"
"when does he want to go out?"
(watch her do a double-take and sputter for a bit bec. you've skipped on eight steps ahead..heh)
That should keep her quiet through the next few simchas..
p.s. and her marital-status is..?
m00ks--she actually sort of offered later...she said she thought she knew someone who might be for me, but she didn't remember his last name, know if he's still single, etc. Not so helpful, but at least she means well. Still, considering how little this girl knows about me, I'm a little hesitant to take her suggestions.
florrie--welcome back, sista! Thanks for stopping by. I wish it was that easy to floor her (no pun intended!). And no, she's not married either.
If I wouldnt know people like that..I'd think youre making it up...
I think we all know someone like that, but it's still a shock when you actually have a conversation like it! Hence the title. ;-)
I had a conversation with someone who didn't know me at all, and after inquiring about my marital status and age, his reply was "Aren't you old to not be married?" Ummmm...why don't you rub it in? Idiot. Some people are just stupid.
Geez! Apparently people don't see the invisible line drawn between appropriate and not. Uch. People like that really bother me. I feel for ya.
Shoshana and Aviva--sorry for not replying to you sooner, I didn't see that you had replied to this since it was further down.
Shoshana--wow, some people's obnoxiousness knows no bounds! Either that, or just plain stupidity, insensitivity, or all of the above. Sheesh.
Aviva--truly. At least I haven't seen her since then, and I'm not likely to see her for a while, b"H.
ten years later, the sabra pipes up....
i'm with most of what was said-especially kasamba's brilliant suggestion of head banging hehe.
but most of all, i wish you hatzlacha in 1-finding true happiness AND a mate to live the rest of a wonderful life with and 2-in keeping up your amazing self control.
my sarcasm woulda sent her flying.
and thats just unhelpful. (for that means you would have to run across the hall to bang her head etc etc)
i have lots to learn from you.
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