Spring Cleaning

It's finally, finally spring in Anytown, USA. This is the second day in a row that I've gone out without my coat, and hopefully there will be many more to follow. Daylight savings time starts this weekend (groan), so this is the last of the short Fridays in the office. I'm sitting in my lovely cubicle across from my boss' corner office, which is now filled with sunshine and fresh air, while I bask in the glow of the same glaring fluorescent lights that I have all winter and breathe the same recycled air. Only every so often does a slight breeze deign to blow my way. Woohoo--spring has sprung.

It has been a long, long winter. Filled with, short, dark, depressing days, and long, darker, depressing nights. I feel like the past few months have just been interminable gloom, sparsely interspersed with gleams of light--happy days, joyous occasions, etc. But now, even with the coming of spring, with its longer, brighter days and its shorter, less-threatening nights... something is still amiss. Though the days have grown brighter, my moods have not kept up with the weather. It could have something to do with the fact that I've been able to experience so little of the lovely weather firsthand...but I don't think that could be the whole problem.

I feel like someone threw a blanket over my soul a few months ago and forgot to take it off. Or rather, it had something sticky on it and now I can't get it off even though I want to. I watch other people being happy, and I wish that I could join, and sometimes I can even fake it...but there's a part of me that just can't break out of the unhappiness.

My soul needs a really, really good spring cleaning. A break from the drudgery of routine, a scrubbing from all the dirt and grime that clings to it now. A break from people, too--even from my friends. I need to get away and talk to Hashem one-on-One for a long time, without distractions.

Halevai b'karov...